Dangers of Ghosting a Loved One || True Life Story

 

GHOSTING  

A few years ago, I was a very close friend to one of the amazing persons I have met in my life, we literally started from no talks at all, to a lot of conversations and then to building a strong and healthy platonic relationship although we knew there were sparks.

Personally, I chose to Ignore those feelings because I wasn't interested in dating at that time and I really just enjoyed the tension free bond we shared as friends. 

We were of two different denominations in our religious beliefs but still our friendship grew beyond bible arguments and all other religious differences. I really don't know how, but we found a way to navigate through and maintain boundaries as regards our differences, after all, we were just friends.

He was a free bird and of course a jolly fellow and I was a complete introvert who only knew her way around social media, in real life, I wasn't adventurous and didn't like changes or whatever would make me move from place to place. It was a distant friendship and so he took the first step to visiting me at school, I didn't know how to feel until he actually informed me of his arrival. His visit was precise and we got to talk face to face, for the first time in a long while. He went back to his school because he was a medical student and needed to be on his toes, each and every semester.

A week after he got back I noticed a difference in texting and keeping up, he wouldn't pick my calls or respond to my messages. I was blank. 

Mixed feelings of worry, strange guilt of what I couldn't fathom swallowed me up. I asked several times, to know if I had done something wrong but there was no response! It became so serious until it dawned on me that I had been shut out. 

It took sometime to recover, for me. This was my friend, I don't have so much of them so how could the best amongst the few I had treat me this way? I wept day and night and tried to move on with myself, I can tell you for free that I'm very emotional, given the circumstance of such events and I easily cry at the slightest stressful encounters I have. That's me.

Months went by and I slept and woke up daily to face the reality of his absence in my life, a very painful and heart breaking season, it was, for me. 

Do you see how unreal this piece seems, as you read further?? That is exactly how unreal it was to me too. I was depressed and yet I had to constantly wear a happy face around my family because nobody really knew what had transpired, including me.

I bore the pain for months until this particular day, the next year, I turned my mobile data on and I was shocked! He had called me severally online (this was because he was outside the country at that time, for a vacation and couldn't call my line directly) 

Lord knows I stared at my phone blankly and Immediately, I also wanted to ignore him and then there was a sudden build up of resentment, and the desire for revenge filled my heart but I knew myself and I knew him too, at least I thought I did. 

I began to question myself over and over again, questions of what could have happened? Maybe he had a good reason to behave the way he did, but what reason was good enough?!!

I would never do that to him, I would never shut him out like that or disappear without prior information, even at the highest provocation. I became sober and after a long struggle with my ego, I responded with a text...

He called back shortly and didn't mince words with an apology. He apologized straight up and explained himself. While he spoke, I drifted away every now and then,in my head, wondering if I should punish him or let it slide...you can guess what I did. His reasons seemed valid and I could understand his predicament at that moment but I totally condemned his manner of approach because there were no warnings, no conversations or agreements held in that regard. The silent treatment that I didn't deserve... I mean, I was and I still am a good, well wishing friend with love and support, why would he...?!!

It wasn't long until I discovered the term used to describe his action; Ghosting. 

 GHOSTING - DEFINITION 

This is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone or a group of persons, suddenly! Without explanations and by slowly withdrawing from all forms of communication and attachment. This is mostly attributed to introverts, as they are mostly quiet and antisocial. They avoid confrontations and any kind of deep communications, especially where they feel a bit off or uneasy. 

While some are very intentional in this act, as it is almost impossible to claim that you are not aware that you have ignored a person for a while, it is also very possible to see a person who does this by reflex. 

For example; a person's first resolution or means of protecting themselves from unnecessary emotional attachments or hurt, is to tune down on conversations or engagements, they say less and practically distance themselves while avoiding a conversation, ensuring that the other party does not notice, well, up until they're gone. 

IS GHOSTING HEALTHY ?

To effectively answer this question, context must be well defined here:

Firstly, why did you think of ghosting as the best option to end a relationship? Being known as one who will suddenly bail out on your friends or family either for a short or long period of time, is not exactly an ideal personality. Some might intentionally avoid getting attached to you, for the fear of being ghosted. If you do this by reflex, how far have you gone to make amends and keep yourself in check, with friends and family. Maybe you try voicing your emotions rather than bottling it up, which will eventually lead to your silent withdrawal from people 

Secondly, who is being ghosted? If it is a close friend or family member, is having a conversation not better off than disappearing from their lives without prior information? knowing fully well that they will feel the impact and ultimately get hurt by that.

There are exceptions to situations where you might have communicated severally, even without words. 

You might want to find out for yourself and for the sake of building a healthy relationship with those around you, the things that trigger your sudden loss of interest and attachment to relationships and loved ones 

What makes you to withdraw or leave suddenly?

As one who has been ghosted severally by dear ones, I can say for sure that it hurts big time. Some practically bail out on you for no reason at all, some for reasons you might be well aware of but you needed the decency of being told by that friend 

"... hey! I need some space. I really don't feel good about this but I'll be back to normal conversations soon"